Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Be happy with what you have

There is something strange in the way that people react when they find out that you have fertility problems.  They feel the need to say something which is often the wrong thing.  

Comments like just relax and it will happen make me cringe.  While they aren't coming from a bad place, more often than not saying nothing or I'll be thinking/praying for you is a far better response. 

When we started trying for a second child I expected the same kind of comments once again.  What I did not expect were these comments to turn rude and nasty...

These memes hit the nail on the head with responses I have gotten from those around me, even from family.  I was initially taken back by them.  The harshness and emphasis behind it all.  

You see there is a double standard in our society when it comes to having children.  Any fertile couple trying to have another child would not be questioned about there love or appreciation for the first child.  Similarly, this wouldn't be said to a couple looking to adopt another child.  Having multiple children does not mean you do not appreciate the one(s) you already have.  So why do people feel the need to question us simply because we need medical intervention to have children?

The most hurtful of comments by far have come from those around me who are still awaiting their first child.  I get it, I really do.  After all I was there in their shoes a few years ago...Wishing and waiting.  It's not fun, especially when it seems like everyone is having babies.  Worse yet their second or third while that first still alludes you.  I remember it all too well.  Because of this I am selective in who I talk to about our infertility.  Obviously not everyone is open to talking about it.  Hearing me talk or complain about the process sucking once again can get old.  To those who have listened I am extremely grateful for this.  Yet I have to just shrug it off when I hear others tell me I am "being greedy" or "flaunting that I have a child.'  This is never my intention in any way shape or form. I never want to make light of what someone else is going through.

Regardless the fact remains that I do have child despite the infertility and we are trying to conceive our second child.  With that comes a whole new set of struggles. Yet at the root of this most people, maybe even specifically those whom are lashing out at me about it all, forget that...

Secondary Infertility simply put means you are either continuing to have a problem or a problem occurred when trying to have another child be it your second or sixth.  As far as our diagnosis goes nothing has changed for us except the technical name.  The same problems I had conceiving before having Bear have not magically disappeared.  The struggle is still there.  For me this is and will be a life long struggle.  Even if we weren't specifically looking to have children I would still need to be seeing a doctor about this in some capacity.  This is something that people seem to forget.  Something people slinging hurtful comments around tend to not think about.  Bottom line... Think before you speak.  


  1. You know I love this! I wish more people watched what they say!


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