Monday, July 21, 2014

It begins again

*WARNING:  I use this space to talk about anything and everything that is personal to me.  Some things I should likely keep to myself but let's be honest this little blog is cheaper than therapy. 
In writing about certain topics I have also been able to connect with many people who are in similar situations.  The biggest of which in our struggle with infertility.  I ask that if you continue to read on further and we are friends on Facebook (or any other social media for that matter) or more importantly in real life I ask that you please keep this to yourself. Yes I realize just how contradictory it sounds to post this info on a public blog but not want to talk about it with everyone in mine/our life.   Thank you in advance for respecting my/our privacy.

Also note since I am discussing infertility that means things like talking about my lady bits, periods, and that's sort of of stuff will occur.  If you stop reading from here I don't blame you.*


Today starts the second act so to speak of our infertility journey.  Once again I am not getting consecutive monthly periods and that brings us back to square one.  More doctors visits, more medicine, more ultrasound, likely more injections, and a whole lot more disappointment.  I hoped and prayed that pregnancy would fix everything but it hasn't.  There was a small glimmer of hope once my period returned after having Bear.  I did in fact get 3 consecutive textbook cycles.  I was hopeful.  Then as the days and weeks slipped away on the next cycle and still no sign of a period or that allusive positive pregnancy test.  My hopes were crushed.  I was a blubbering mess realizing that the we are going there again.

I know what to expect this time around.  What the appointments will be like.  What the injections will do.  Even what that negative pregnancy test will feel like.  The one thing that has changed is that I know I can get pregnant.  I know I can carry a baby... to mostly full term.  That knowledge will not however serve me well this time around.  My expectations will be higher.  Sadly I also know the crashes with be equally as hard.  After all we are here again.

The first time we went through this we were on a time constraint.  Hubby's deployment was creeping closer and closer.  If we did not get pregnant before he left it would mean another 8 months lost.  The time constraint now is a PCS (Permanent Change of Station).  We move next summer.  Our goal is to be pregnant before we leave here.  The thought of having to go through all of those preliminary testing, filling out forms, and going through courses of treatment that I know won't make an ounce of difference because some PCM (Primary Care Manager) wastes my time because thinks he knows more than he does.  I am comfortable with the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) we used before.  After all he helped up conceive Bear.  I'm sure there are plenty of other doctors out there that are as knowledgeable as him but the RE is blunt and honest.  He doesn't sugar coat things or give you false hope.  I like that in a doctor.  I'm sure most people wouldn't want that but I do.  I need someone to keep me grounded.  To tell me what my real expectations should be.

So here we are again.

I got my referral to the same RE after jumping through all the hoops that TriCare expects.  Now I wait.

My first RE appointment isn't until Mid September.  I'm not sure how I feel about all of this but it is a step in the right direction since we want to expand the family.


  1. I'll definitely be working on my referral once we get moved and situated.

    1. The PMC is pretty easy to refer out. They will run some simple prelim tests to make sure they can't handle it in house first. Its annoying but they should cover the a decent amount of things for specialists.

    2. Yay more tests lol. It is amazing the amount of tests that have been ran over the last 5 years.

  2. I hope you get your pregnancy. We're also in the process of trying again after losing a baby at 19 weeks, scary but excited.

    1. I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go though that. Fingers crossed we all hear good news sooner rather than later.


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