Wednesday, July 30, 2014

infertility take two

Aside from those of you on here who followed along on our first leg of the journey through infertility and those handful of people we talked about it with in our real lives, it is relatively unknown that we struggled at all to conceive.  Those who did know had mixed feelings about it.  I got everything from an outpouring of strength and comfort (shout out to Mrs. K) and then others who were not so kind about it at all.

"If god wanted you to have children you would." and "Just relax it will happen." were sadly two of the top responses when hearing that we were struggling to conceive.  I am not looking forward to the judgement this time around.  Nor am I looking forward to whatever people have to say about it. 

Then it happened.

I got my first comment on it.

"You should appreciate the child that you have and leave it at that."

WOW!

I have no idea how to even begin to wrap my head around that.  How does wanting another child, a sibling for Bear, mean that I don't appreciate the one that I already have?  You wouldn't say this to someone who was pregnant with their second child but had no fertility problems.  How is it that you wouldn't have said that to them but it is acceptable to say that to me simply because getting pregnant does not come as easy to me?

It's comments like this that give me anxiety.  That make me think twice before I open my mouth to share our struggles even with those close to us.   It's these kinds of statements and opinions that people spew out of their mouths when silence would be much more appreciated.

The other side of the coin isn't any easier to take.  People who knew before are afraid to ask us if we want more children.  They are afraid to ask if infertility is still a problem.  So they don't.  They stumble around words or topics and avoid the giant elephant in the room.  Either way though judgments are passed.  They just don't say it directly to us.

I'm not sure which is better.  All I know is that this time around it feels different.  Not better, not worse, just different.  

2 comments:

  1. I saw you liked my pic on IG so I checked out your blog. My husband and I also went through fertility and are NYer living in Georgia. Small world!!

    ReplyDelete

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