Thursday, December 6, 2012

Biting the Bullet

My In-Laws are coming into town today.  All the cleaning is done, menu prepared and "activities" (there is nothing to do in this po'dunk little town) ready to go.  I am for the most part ok with this visit.  My in-laws will behave just fine.  We will all get along, even if I don't pass inspection :-P  My nerves come about because we have little choice but to open up to them about our infertility struggle.

We have shared with my brother in-law and sister in-law(SIL) about what is going on.  We told them when we were visiting and they have since kept it to themselves.  My Mother in-law (MIL) has been dropping hints to her and asking them if we are trying for a kid or if we have heard anything.  My SIL shared with me that she feels like she should tell her what is going on with us but she does not feel that it was her place to say something. I am thankful she didn't.  Although I feel it is only a matter of time before she does.

All this basically means that we now have to share what is going on.  I am hoping and praying that they will not share this with our extended family as we would like to keep this a relatively private matter.  (no, no family read this blog, if you were wondering why I am sharing this on here).  I am pretty sure once they see the medicine in the fridge that something will be asked.  Fingers cross that they will not ask about until after we talk to them.

I am dreading this conversation.  Its just awkward for both sides.  I feel I have to prepare myself for the million and one questions and comments that are about to come.  Some that while they think they are being helpful can come off hurtful to us.  Simple statements like "maybe you just need to relax and it will happen."  On the outside it seems harmless, however we are well past the "just relax" stage and on to the medical stage.  We have already found out 2 years in that this "just relax" thought isn't really our problem.  Its like nails on a chalkboard to me every time I hear it. Oh and side note, telling someone to just relax doesn't help them relax.

I am waiting for my Strict Catholic MIL to tell me to pray the rosary or go to church more or worse yet that "maybe God doesn't want us to have children" (Yes I have been told that by someone).  All things that I don't need to hear.  I have tried all of the above and will continue to pray for us to be blessed with a baby (or two).  I will continue to attend church as I see fit.  I will continue to wear my Saint (idk which one exactly hubby looked it up seeing as he is the Catholic and all) pendant necklace.  

my stress level is through the roof with nerves and jitters about telling them.  I am insecure about it because I am the one with the infertility issues.  Will she think her son married a broken women?  Will she look at me with that sad expression when we tell her?  Will she be asking about our sex life?  Will she confront me about when we are alone?  Will she continue to ask what is going on in every conversation we have?  Or will she act like it is no big deal?  and mostly I am wondering if she or they will be mad we didn't tell them sooner.  I could keep going with the bazillion questions going on in my head today but I will spare you.  You have already gotten my point.

The thing that gets me is that there are so many unknowns here.  We have told only a select group of those people in real life what is going on and all of them have reacted differently.  Some are encouraging and uplifting while other have thrown out a couple of nasty comments.  I try to ignore the bad and focus on the good.  Pulling those in who are understanding.  I am just not sure which side they will fall on.  I know they won't be harsh about it.  At least not intentionally.  As long as they fall somewhere in the middle I will be content.

So the plan is to discuss it all tonight after dinner while playing cards or something.  Let them ask what they will and hope it is left at that.

Here is to hoping it goes well.


  1. I know the conversation has probably already come and gone (I just found you through the Wednesday Walkabout), but I just wanted you to know I'll be thinking of & praying for you & your husband. My husband & I have gone through/are going through struggles of our own (very similar in a way) & while I don't mind sharing with others (as I see fit), I cannot imagine having that discussion with my in-laws. I completely understood when you said you're insecure because you're the one with infertility issues. That whole paragraph spoke to me because they are ALL thoughts I have had at some point. Anyway, I'm sorry for writing a novel, but I just wanted to reach out to you...


    1. thank you so much for writing to me. I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers for us. I am glad that you found common ground in what I wrote. That was part of my goal in writing this. I feel like it is something that is kept in the closet leaving us to feel ashamed of sorts for our body's inabilities. if you ever need to chat feel free to email me. I am always there to listen.


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