Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It's at the bottom of the pile

I find myself consistently looking for motivation to workout.  I know that for my health being fit is something that I know is important.  Something I should make more of a priority in my life.  However I find myself every morning waking up early to work out and instead I meander around, do whatever dishes are left over, or even fold socks just to put off working out that much longer.  While it is great that the house is together and tasks that need to get done are being completed, it puts me no closer to working out at 7AM like I set out to do every morning.

I called my dad of all people to ask for advice on staying motivated.  Strange I know, most women call their moms for advice, well I call my dad.  He gets me better.  I told him that I started working out and I lacked the drive to continue.  The endorphins just didn't seem to motivate me enough to want to jump back into it the next day like they used to.  His advice...  "keep at it and you will get back what you once had if you want it bad enough."

Problem is I don't know if I truly want it bad enough.  I drag myself out of bed every morning and eventually workout.  I push myself almost as hard as I can throughout the workout but its half-hearted.  The way I am looking at it is that at least I am doing something.  Which is more than I was doing.  I have never regretted working out even if I hated every second of it, but I have always regretted it when I skipped a day.  I don't want all the previous workouts to be for nothing.

Each morning I plug along hoping this is the day that I finally find my motivation.  It appeared it was lost at the bottom of a pile of laundry.  An excessively large pile of old clothes that smelled a bit musty after residing in the back of my closet or in bags on the shelf above because they didn't fit.  They still don't.  I hope they will thought by the end of summer.  ...At least some of them anyway.

Weeded through them.  Sorting the pants in to pile by size and style which was relatively simple.  Hunter however looked over and saw that I had far to many pants that didn't fit and told me to cut them down in half.  I will admit that was much harder to do than I had imaged but he was right after all.  There is just not enough room to keep everything especially when they didn't fit. 

Shirts were next.  A much easier task for me since I thought.  None of them obviously fit me the way the are meant to but I again sorted by style and size.  Then came the trying on portion of this little endeavor.  I tried on a few dress shirts that despite how much weight I lost would simply not even come close to covering my chest.  They clearly have to go.  Others were obviously attainable.  Then there was the pile of maybes.  A few more expensive items like my J. Crew clothing that seemed to throw me into panic mode at the thought of having to get rid of them. 

I will admit I am not sure if I can fit back into them way I once did but dang it I am going to try.  It was there folks that I found part of my motivation.  There in that relatively small pile J. Crew clothes I bought myself as a Graduation present.  It holds the start in finding my motivation again.  Finding the drive to workout that I once had.  It's tiny but it's there.  The little things will hopefully carry me through.

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